Two Big Fears
What are two fears that most of us share?
Fear of failing, and fear of the unknown.
How does that affect us when we want to try something new, like learning a new skill or picking up a new craft? It stalls us, to the point where we often don’t even start.
Fear of failing and fear of the unknown can almost be considered one fear, because they are so intermingled.
“If I fail, what will happen to me?” Translation: I’m afraid of the unknown outcome of this new skill / test / project.
“What will people think of me if I fail?” Translation: I don’t know what people will think of me, and that unknown scares me.
“What happens if I fail?” Translation: if this fails does that mean I am a failure? Will people think less of me because I cannot do this new thing?
Why don’t we reframe this.
What if you can do this new skill? What if you pass the test? What if people don’t even notice if you fail because they are so wrapped up in their own lives (spoiler alert: everyone on the planet except your nearest and dearest are too busy with their own lives to worry if you succeed or fail at something, and your closest companions will always cheer you on and support you.)
So what happens if you fail? You learn. You learn what did or did not work, you go back, you double-check the process, and you see what can be fixed.
There are so many things in life that we stop ourselves from doing out of fear. Some are perfectly rational fears that have been ingrained through hundreds of thousands of years of knowledge: heights are dangerous, be careful around them; snakes and spiders can be deadly, be wary of them; dark caves and tunnels can contain hidden dangers, be careful. Those are reasonable fears.
Being afraid that if we fail to make a birdhouse look perfect means we are a failure in life, well, that’s just not the case. If we want to be a carpenter and the first birdhouse we make doesn’t work, we still learn something. We learn how to cut the wood, we learn how to sand it and prepare it. We learn that this way to assemble it probably didn’t work, so we can ask, did we miss a step? “Oh! I cut two of the same sides as opposed to one of each side!” That is fixable. Maybe not on that project, but the second one will be better.
Learning a new skill, art, craft, hobby, or anything really, involves a level of grace, allowing ourselves to trust that we will make mistakes, and to let ourselves do so without turning that mistake (or “missed take” as I like to call them) into a comment on who we are as a whole person.
Yes, the unknown is scary — there is a whole galaxy out there of things we don’t know, starting with most things here on our own world. That reality can be daunting.
But when we make a decision to learn something new, no matter how complicated or difficult it may seem to us, we are choosing to say “NO!” to the fear of that unknown. We are stepping up in courage and faith, that we will at least learn something new, even if what we learn is that we don’t like playing the tuba; or maybe knitting involves too many needles, dropped stitches and swear words for me at this time of life.
When we try something new, we are choosing to look the fear of failing and the fear of the unknown in the face and say, “I will not be afraid. I am willing to learn. I am willing to try.”
What skill / hobby / art / craft do you want to learn so much that you are willing to stand up to fear?
Go for it! We’re cheering you on!