Embarrassed to Admit: I Still Hesitate to Ask Questions

Full confession - I still hesitate to ask questions.

Have you ever been in a class and really wanted to ask a question, but were afraid to do so? Not because the teacher or workshop instructor was scary or mean or anything, but because you were afraid you’d look like you didn’t know what you were talking about? Like people would make fun of you for asking a question about something you didn’t understand or where you didn’t hear an instruction?

Never be afraid to ask questions. The only questions you’ll ever regret are the ones you never asked. I know this, I constantly encourage students in my day job to ask when they’re not sure — I even encourage instructors to do so.

So why do I hesitate when the same things happen to me?

One example of not asking a question is when I was taking a stained glass class. The end of the class was coming up quickly, and we were rushing to finish up before we had to leave the room. The teacher quickly demonstrated how to tie the fishing line to hang up the stained glass so that it wouldn’t break, but I was finishing the previous step and didn’t see the instructions. I felt bad that I was behind and didn’t see the steps she’d shown us, so even though I wanted to ask her to show me again, I didn’t.

I took classes with her again, even private lessons where I worked on a project in her studio for several days — did I ask? No. I was too embarrassed that I didn’t catch that instruction in class, and I didn’t ask her. She is a very encouraging and kind instructor, and would completely understand if she needed to repeat an instruction. But pride got in the way of me asking for something I needed. It still has … I’ve got a few stained glass pieces now that are sitting on shelves rather than hanging up in the window, letting beautiful light stream through, like they were meant to do.

I know, I need to go and find out the answer to this question, and I will. One day.

It is so much harder to go back later and ask the question when we feel we should have asked it at an earlier time. The best time to ask a question is as soon as you need to — without interrupting, that is. Write it down when you think of it for the appropriate break in the lesson — the teacher may be getting to the answer we’re looking for. The worst that can happen is they don’t answer your question, in which case, you can ask someone else, or research the answer. If someone does ridicule you for asking a question, the problem isn’t with you, it is with them.

Everyone has questions. Sometimes we don’t know which questions to ask, because we don’t know what we don’t know yet. Or how to phrase the question to get the answer we’re actually looking for.  Have you experienced that, too? We just don’t know what to ask because we’re so new, we’re drinking in all the instructions and trying to see how everything fits together. Learning is an amazing thing, but it can be difficult and frustrating.

Asking questions helps us learn, so ask whatever questions you need to process the new information. This will carve new pathways in our brain to make way for this new technique, task, or knowledge. Something is only new once; after that it’ll become easier.